The Question of Who

Trey Smith

Adolescence can be a difficult time for an individual. It is the stage between childhood and adulthood, not quite the former and yet not quite the latter. Our bodies go through tremendous changes -- many which we find quite perplexing. It is a period of life when so many sensations come flying in from all directions and, unsurprisingly, many an adolescent goes through periods when they feel almost completely overwhelmed.

In trying to decide which path or paths to head down, what is one piece of advice that adolescents -- we hear the same advice in adulthood as well -- that is repeated over and over again?

Be yourself.

On the surface, it SOUNDS like quality advice. Don't try to be something or someone you are not. Be. Yourself.

But we all know there is a fly in the ointment of this suggestion. In order to be ourselves, we must know who we are and the answer to THAT question ain't so easy.

Who am I?

By I, do I mean the preferential I? The I of my hopes and dreams? The I of my ego?

Taoists would answer that the I we should look for is the innate I -- the I that is a manifestation of the one. But how do we find this I?

Let's say I somehow found my innate I. I would have to perceive it in some way, shape or form. As I perceived it, my ego would shape what I perceived and one could certainly argue that, once the ego gets a hold of anything, that thing becomes polluted or degraded.

So, even if I could find in myself the innate essence of that self, the intercession of the egoic self would alter my perception of that which is innate. One outcome of this process would be simply to throw up my hands and scream, I'm screwed!

Another outcome -- one I think the Taoist sages pointed toward -- is that, while it probably is impossible to connect with the innate I in its purest form, the exercise in moving this direction is not without merit. We would be far better off to catch incomplete glimpses of the innate I than never to see it all.